Loving Myself

In the past couple months I have been struggling alot with self image. I just feel like I can try as hard as I can to look pretty, but then I look in the mirror, and look awful. I am not writing this as a pity post. I have wanted to get my feelings out, express myself and not complain to my poor husband anymore. I have always thought I was "cute", but always saw so many other girls I wanted to look like. Then about two years ago, I grew to love myself inside and out. I loved the way I looked and actually thought I was pretty. Lately though, I don't know what my problem is. I have slowly started to get really bad self esteem, but so badly want to love myself again. I have been trying a lot harder lately to just accept myself and love the unique things about myself. It sure is hard, but I know I can do it. My husband is so great and tells me everyday how beautiful I am. I know he has seen how it hurts me that I don't think I am pretty and I love and appreciate all the kind things he says about me. I love Stephanie Neilson. If you do not know who she is or heard her story, you must. nieniedialouges.blogspot.com

She was in a plane crash years ago and burned over 80% of her body. She writes an inspiring blog about her everyday trials and triumps. I try to think of her everytime I think something bad about myself. She looks completely different but is so beautiful inside and out. I am so blessed with a healthy body and spirit and need to embrace it. I think working on one thing at a time will bring me slow but steady improvements.

I WANT to love myself. I NEED to love myself.

RED HAIR

For some reason lately i have been OBSESSED, not love, but

OBSESSED with this trend! I think it is so cute and fun and I would LOVE to do it but I am so freaked out ha. Plus my hair girl/sister in law would

probably kill me. It has taken so long to get my blonde hair back

and it is finally a perfect blonde. Spencer 

keeps telling me to just do it. He used to say no no no but he brought up a good point yesterday. He said if you keep thinking and wanting a hair style for more than a month then it means you should do it.

 

WHAT A SMART HUSBAND! Gosh I love him.

Let the Healthyness Begin!

Today I started my eat healthier, exercise, and be more active "diet".

I am not SUPER thrilled about it, but then I am

at the same time. Weird I know. 

I just HATE how sore I am when I start running again. 

It KEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELS me to even

walk, sit, or run again.

I look like a complete idiot running the first week 

because I am in so much pain but just have

to bear through it. 

I bought a scale to keep track of my progress.

I know alot of people say that that is not a good idea

because you could gain muscle and lose weight 

but still weigh the same.

This does not happen for me. I lose weight and slim down.

 I have taken before pictures and taken before

measurements.

When I end up  losing weight I shall hopefully post these

things for if I look any percentage better. 

Wish me luck!

Gift from God

Last night my mom said that I was given a gift from god

for all the trials I've been given in the past year.

This is the gift....

It seems crazy to say, but I am grateful for all I went through

to get this.

I love this boy with all my heart and I am so lucky to have him love me in return.

I love you Spencer Clark Ellsworth

I'm Baaaaaaaaack

F R I E N D S

As alot of you know, I deleted

my blog a couple months back. I figured there

was no use for it anymore and I had nothing positive

to write about at the time. My life was pretty crappy around the.

But I have still read up on a lot of my friends' blogs

and alot of them said their blogs are very theraputic

and they are able to express themselves 

and get alot of things out.

I am, like many, one who holds alot in.

I don't know why I do this and I have even tried

to break the habit, but with no success.

So I feel this will help...at least I hope.

One thing I have struggled alot with this year is

good friends.

I have lost alot of friends in the past year.

I know it's going to happen and I by the time I'm 30 I

probably won't talk to most of them, BUT, it is hard.

Around the time that my wedding got called off I was obviously

having a REALLY REALLY hard time. And some of

the people I needed the most, were not there. I had alot of

friends gossip, judge, and push me away at that time.

And this was really hard on me. It made things alot
worse than they should have been.
I have let alot of things go since then and moved on a
little from letting the friend thing bug me. But still
have instances where it makes me really sad when I run
into old friends or hear about them. But I'm learning,
growing, and have met alot of new WONDERFUL friends.

Patience