Tuesday, February 21, 2012

Loving Myself

In the past couple months I have been struggling alot with self image. I just feel like I can try as hard as I can to look pretty, but then I look in the mirror, and look awful. I am not writing this as a pity post. I have wanted to get my feelings out, express myself and not complain to my poor husband anymore. I have always thought I was "cute", but always saw so many other girls I wanted to look like. Then about two years ago, I grew to love myself inside and out. I loved the way I looked and actually thought I was pretty. Lately though, I don't know what my problem is. I have slowly started to get really bad self esteem, but so badly want to love myself again. I have been trying a lot harder lately to just accept myself and love the unique things about myself. It sure is hard, but I know I can do it. My husband is so great and tells me everyday how beautiful I am. I know he has seen how it hurts me that I don't think I am pretty and I love and appreciate all the kind things he says about me. I love Stephanie Neilson. If you do not know who she is or heard her story, you must. nieniedialouges.blogspot.com
She was in a plane crash years ago and burned over 80% of her body. She writes an inspiring blog about her everyday trials and triumps. I try to think of her everytime I think something bad about myself. She looks completely different but is so beautiful inside and out. I am so blessed with a healthy body and spirit and need to embrace it. I think working on one thing at a time will bring me slow but steady improvements.
I WANT to love myself. I NEED to love myself.

Thursday, October 13, 2011


For some reason lately i have been OBSESSED, not love, but
OBSESSED with this trend! I think it is so cute and fun and I would LOVE to do it but I am so freaked out ha. Plus my hair girl/sister in law would

probably kill me. It has taken so long to get my blonde hair back
and it is finally a perfect blonde. Spencer 

keeps telling me to just do it. He used to say no no no but he brought up a good point yesterday. He said if you keep thinking and wanting a hair style for more than a month then it means you should do it.

WHAT A SMART HUSBAND! Gosh I love him.

Thursday, April 28, 2011

Let the Healthyness Begin!

Today I started my eat healthier, exercise, and be more active "diet".
I am not SUPER thrilled about it, but then I am
at the same time. Weird I know. 
I just HATE how sore I am when I start running again. 
walk, sit, or run again.
I look like a complete idiot running the first week 
because I am in so much pain but just have
to bear through it. 
I bought a scale to keep track of my progress.
I know alot of people say that that is not a good idea
because you could gain muscle and lose weight 
but still weigh the same.
This does not happen for me. I lose weight and slim down.
 I have taken before pictures and taken before
When I end up  losing weight I shall hopefully post these
things for if I look any percentage better. 
Wish me luck!

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Gift from God

Last night my mom said that I was given a gift from god
for all the trials I've been given in the past year.
This is the gift....

It seems crazy to say, but I am grateful for all I went through
to get this.

I love this boy with all my heart and I am so lucky to have him love me in return.
I love you Spencer Clark Ellsworth

Friday, April 15, 2011

I'm Baaaaaaaaack


As alot of you know, I deleted
my blog a couple months back. I figured there
was no use for it anymore and I had nothing positive
to write about at the time. My life was pretty crappy around the.
But I have still read up on a lot of my friends' blogs
and alot of them said their blogs are very theraputic
and they are able to express themselves 
and get alot of things out.

I am, like many, one who holds alot in.
I don't know why I do this and I have even tried
to break the habit, but with no success.
So I feel this will help...at least I hope.

One thing I have struggled alot with this year is
good friends.

I have lost alot of friends in the past year.
I know it's going to happen and I by the time I'm 30 I
probably won't talk to most of them, BUT, it is hard.
Around the time that my wedding got called off I was obviously
having a REALLY REALLY hard time. And some of
the people I needed the most, were not there. I had alot of
friends gossip, judge, and push me away at that time.
And this was really hard on me. It made things alot
worse than they should have been.
I have let alot of things go since then and moved on a
little from letting the friend thing bug me. But still
have instances where it makes me really sad when I run
into old friends or hear about them. But I'm learning,
growing, and have met alot of new WONDERFUL friends.